Chapter Two

Letting Go Vs Holding On


“ Enlightenment emerges in the practice

of surrender and letting go.”

JC Mac

When I look back over my life, I can see now that so much of it was about learning to let go. All the successes and failures, all the people, places and worldly experiences I had notched up on my belt, had brought me to that final door; that definitive moment when it dawned on me that I was about to leave my body and that there was no way back.

During my life I have had guns pointed at my head, smashed cars up, been in bar room brawls, lived homeless in the streets of North America, had bikers beating my door down looking for their money and seen many people die from drug and alcohol addiction. I have survived many dangerous situations. None of them, however, matched that terrifying moment that took place on August 15, 2005.

Looking back I can clearly see the process that I went through, the moment I thought I was about to die. First there was an unwillingness to accept what was happening, like a kind of denial. Then a deep sense of fear and terror began to settle in, followed by an overwhelming feeling of sadness and loss for all the things that I had not accomplished during my time on the planet. No way was I ready to go.

Could it be that God had gotten his timing wrong? Surely what was happening was meant for someone else. I mean, don’t we all think that everyone else will go before us and that we will be the last one out? Certainly not for this funny, confident, talented, middle-aged guy who, he believed, was just really beginning to get a handle on things; whose career was on the brink of greatness and accomplishment. There was a profound sense that something was wrong and that the universe had seriously screwed up.

I had lived my life like it was going to continue forever. These things happened to other people. When it came to me I had assumed I was invincible; there was nothing I couldn’t do if I put my mind to it: Success in business, relationships, being a soldier, wealth, surviving years in the street and making it out alive when many others had not. I thought I was ‘bulletproof.’ I thought I had been given the keys to the kingdom.

Denial is a tricky thing because when you are in it, you are blind to it, and once you notice you are in it, then suddenly you are out of it. The trick is to find some way to get the hell out of it before you look back and notice you missed the whole trip. Mix this in with a dose of arrogance and complacency and you have the story of my life. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that not many of us are looking forward to our last moment here on earth. None of us wake up in the morning in a deep meditative state contemplating how we are going to respond at the moment of our own death.

One of the reasons I believe we all want to avoid this topic is because we are ignorant about the facts. We are ignorant about what is really happening, not only during our lives but also at that final moment and beyond. Everyone I know, including myself, who has seen loved ones die, or has suddenly been confronted with that reality themselves, experiences a deep sense of fear and loss. My assertion is that this fear comes from ignorance about the way life works. That doesn’t mean we don’t mourn the loss of our loved ones. Of course we do. It means we can learn to mourn with the power of truth in our lives instead of feeling victimized by it.

Now given that all life is impermanent, that all of us are on the way out and we are all going to be confronted with that last moment just before we leave this earthly realm, it might just be worth knowing how things work. I firmly believe that what you decide to do at that moment will depend on how much you have practiced the truth during your life.

Let me explain. When we hold onto life it is an affirmation of fear and a lack of trust in the process. Holding onto something that is impermanent can only lead to upset and suffering at some point. Yet even though we may know this at some level, we still cling to life and many of the things in it. We cling to our possessions, our bodies, relationships, careers and families. We hold on in the wish and hope that nothing will go wrong, or that any of it will be taken from us. Life only feels finite when you are confronted with losing it. Confronting death brings one into the present moment with absolute clarity.

Now don’t get me wrong. If we were terrified of life all the time we would never get out of bed. But I am not talking about that kind of thing. What I am talking about is facing the fear of letting go; and the best way to face that fear is to know how the game of life is played and how life works. Because then and only then does one have real choice, power and trust in the matter.

If we send a message of fear and lack of trust into the field of consciousness at the moment of death, it influences the conditions that affect what happens next. Why? Because in an infinite universe that is made up of pure consciousness and is highly influenced by every thought, deed and act, the power of one thought can shift the direction and destiny of one’s whole life in the blink of an eye. In fact, your destiny just changed by reading this paragraph. Enlightenment is contingent on what you think and do. In the end you are on your own; there is no one waiting at the gate when you approach. The final surrender is between you and God, and the access to that meeting is based on conditions.

Think of it this way. When the sun shines, for example, it is because a set of conditions are appropriate for the sun to emerge at that moment. This principle applies to all things, including us. That is why I say that the choice you make at that final moment can determine the direction of what happens next. Your choice influences the conditions. Although it is not the whole story, it certainly plays a big part in one’s overall karmic destiny. Holding on sets you moving in one direction; letting go moves you in another.

So, let’s look at letting go, the difference it makes to your life and also the power it holds for you in your final moment. When you let go you are saying: ‘Everything is OK. Things are as they should be. I am safe. God is with me.’ There is a catch however, as letting go takes practice, just like everything else in life does. But when you can let go it sends a completely different message into the field of infinite consciousness; one, as I have said, that influences whatever happens next.

Don’t just take my word for it. Look at your own experience. How many times have you been attached to something, even worshipped it, and then lost it? How did that make you feel? Did you suffer? Then look at the times when you have been willing and able to walk away from something, unconcerned whether you lose it or not. Now, tell me, which approach gives you more power and freedom in life?

I believe that most of us spend most of our time holding on. We do this because no one ever taught us the benefit of letting go. I don’t remember taking ‘Letting Go 101’ in college, do you? Through sheer ignorance of the truth – and all our cultural taboos about facing death, grief and loss – we learn to grasp and cling to the many places, people and things that we believe give our lives meaning and value.

As I mentioned earlier, I have spent much, if not all, of my life with the underlying assumption that I am going to live forever. Now that I am moving well into my fifties I am beginning to see that the end is much closer than the beginning. I have been brought up in the West where matters of mortality are rarely spoken about. Most of us are completely unprepared for the loss of our loved ones, and even more unprepared for our own exit. So, knowing that we all suffer from a lack of education on the topic of life and death, I understand why we automatically hold on as tight as we possibly can, in the insane belief that we can stop the process of life and our inevitable demise. It does not matter how much plastic surgery you have done, how many vitamins you take or how often you go to the gym. You and I are all ageing and moving closer and closer to our final moment. Being unable to accept that process means we suffer.

In reality everything, including you, is in a state of perfection at every stage of existence. It is our false perceptions that are caused by, our current state of consciousness that set up this delusion, that ageing and death is a bad thing; that it is imperfect. Instead of facing the truth, we invent things like the beauty and cosmetic industry to try and deal with our delusions. In the long run, this can only lead to more suffering. The closer you are to the truth, the more peace and unity you experience with everything around you and the more effective you are in life. The further away from the truth you are, the more you suffer.

I really did think I was dying on the floor of my apartment that day in 2005. I can still, to this day, clearly remember how it happened. Everything began to slow down and, as it did, I could see my unwillingness to let go and trust in the process of what was happening. It was only after what seemed like a lifetime of terror and fear for the loss of my existence here on this planet that my many years of personal and spiritual development kicked in – and opened up the possibility of a choice. Was I going to hold on or let go? In those few seconds what arose was a level of trust and faith that I was being taken care of. It was because of this insight that I chose to surrender to the power I had, over many years, come to believe in.

I also want to point out that nothing of what I am advocating is provable in any way by the mind, science or technology. In fact, the more you use those tools, the further away from the truth you move. Linear tools do not work when navigating the non-linear world. Science cannot give you access to the spirit. This is because science is of the mind and the world of form. Spirit, meanwhile, is the world of the formless. I often say: ‘You cannot think your way to heaven.’ In fact, you cannot even experience it until you transcend the mind. Try not to think about that… Just kidding.

So, we could say life is a process of letting go; and the longer you live, the more there is to let go of. So the better you get at surrender, the easier the journey is going to be. I also want you to keep in mind that when one does let go they always do so from the present moment. It is impossible to let go from the future or the past. I say this because letting go cannot take place in a linear, sequential timeline. It is not a function of the mind but of the spirit, which is timeless and has no location in reality.

What makes people crazy is trying to think ‘letting go.’ This is like a fish with a hook in its mouth. The harder it tries to get away the deeper the hook sinks in. So the more you think, the further away you move from the truth. Most of us become willing to let go through the sheer agony of continuing to hold on.

Just as repetition is the mother of skill, letting go takes practice. The better you get at it, the more peace you experience and the less you suffer. When we can be in this moment, free of the trappings of the past and future, knowing there is never anything wrong, we have an honest shot at giving it all up. With that knowledge comes the confidence that it is safe to surrender. I love the idea that whatever is happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening at that moment. The reason that is true is in the simple fact that it is happening. Everything at every moment is normal for that moment. How could it be otherwise?

This book could be looked at in many ways: As a guide to peaceful living, or a study on the practice of living in the moment. Or how about seeing it as a book on improving your spiritual, mental, emotional and physical health? The one that drives it home for me, more than anything else, is to see it as a book on living a great life, by learning how to surrender and let go, moment to moment. Learn how to let go and you learn how to live.

So, with your permission, I would like to tell you a few stories from my life, the ones that I think contributed to setting up the conditions that took place in 2005. They are tales of how I have stumbled through life and, along the way, learned the skill of letting go, through the fine art of screwing everything up all the time. I want to share with you my journey and how, in hindsight, those lessons became great teachers; how they have taught me to let go with less and less struggle and suffering.

So please take this journey with me. Take what you can from what I have to offer and use it to improve the quality of your own life right now. Even more importantly, use it to prepare yourself for your entry through that last door, at that last moment. Remember, nobody gets out alive. The clock continues to tick for each and every one of us. If I had the choice between education and wisdom I would pick wisdom hands down. Education is the process of learning through repetition while wisdom comes from experience and is often born out of some of our biggest mistakes.

JCMac

jcmacmail@gmail.com

youtube: jcstacimac 

Author House Publishing